Happily Ever After
Dear Daisy,
I know it is something that I do not approve of that much. I mean why write only about love and romance. I like books that are about magic like real world sorcery, magic. But I realised that love is after all the emotion that drives us. Well, not totally true. For some it may be rage or hatred or I don't know a different kind of emotion or passion. Anyway let's get to the point.
So, every time I watch a romantic movie I become all emotional. And that's exactly when I start missing my husband a lot more if he's not around. Yeah, I agree, my life is not perfect. As a matter of fact no one's is. Every fairy tale ends with "And they lived happily ever after.". I have always wondered that, is it really possible for a person to be happy forever after getting something or someone they've always desired for? Okay I don't know about you but maybe I could tell you my story.
I love my husband very much. I fell in love with him when I was 20 years old or was it 21? See, I don't even remember the year. But really does it matter? The fact remains that I love him. And I was so sure at that time, that marrying him would be my happily ever after. That there is, and there would be, nothing more that I would ever like to have in my entire life. And God knows I have never regretted my decision of marrying him ever. Given the chance, I would do it all over again.
But like every other couple, we have had a fair share of arguments and fights. It is weird coz I always claim to be this peace-loving person. All I've ever wanted was to be completely happy. And I thought that having him by my side forever would make me happy. Oh please, I beg of you, do not judge me. Please do not have the wrong impression that I am not happy with him. I am happy, but the life that I imagined was delusional. In fact the notion itself that someone can be completely happy is a lie. And I am not talking about happiness being relative coz I know, your "Happily Ever After" might be very different to mine.
We have heard that humans are never satisfied with what they already have. It is a human tendency (or probably just my innate personality) that once you have achieved something that you wanted, you start desiring for something more. At least it's true for me. I am never fully satisfied with all that I have. There is always this new desire of something or the other, this competitiveness within me that agitates me up, till I loose all my peace. But then there are moments when I realise the importance of all the people around me and how much I love them, how much they mean to me. And I wish I never desired for anything ever again and be content in all that is and will be.
Whenever I have a nasty fight with my husband on the most trivial of matters, I cry. I always cry. I cry not because we fought or I lost the argument; but because of that brief moment when I let my brain think that, "Is this the same person I fell in love with?". I cry because I feel guilty of doubting my love for the same person I have ever wanted. There is an upside to all of this though. After every fight, I love him more coz I know him more. And once I am pacified and start thinking with a clear mind, I realise that the momentary lapse of doubting my love was nothing but the by product of my anger. And that very moment is very crucial coz it can either break or make your life. It is very important not to forget the good times in the face of bad ones. It is easy to forget the good memories and remember just one bad memory. That single bad memory is enough to ruin your whole lifetime of good ones that could have happened only if you wouldn't have held to it so tightly. If a relationship is your priority then what I believe is that, respecting differences, accepting limitations and admiring flaws - these are the key aspects of letting love grow despite of all the bitterness in life.
So the question is, what do you do when you get your happily ever after moment. What do you do when that desire, to be 'a little more rich' or to 'be sexier' or to 'have a car which you cannot afford but your neighbour has' or to 'lose a little more weight' or to 'marry the love of your life', gets fulfilled? What do you do when you have got your dream job, dream house, dream car? Do you feel like you are done now? That now you are completely happy? That there is nothing more to achieve? That now, finally you can rest and relax and enjoy what you have?
Having a desire is not a bad thing. In fact, not having a new desire is counter-productive. But being happy, inspite of the desires getting fulfilled or not, is what we should focus on, I think. What do you say?
Love,
Ani.
I know it is something that I do not approve of that much. I mean why write only about love and romance. I like books that are about magic like real world sorcery, magic. But I realised that love is after all the emotion that drives us. Well, not totally true. For some it may be rage or hatred or I don't know a different kind of emotion or passion. Anyway let's get to the point.
So, every time I watch a romantic movie I become all emotional. And that's exactly when I start missing my husband a lot more if he's not around. Yeah, I agree, my life is not perfect. As a matter of fact no one's is. Every fairy tale ends with "And they lived happily ever after.". I have always wondered that, is it really possible for a person to be happy forever after getting something or someone they've always desired for? Okay I don't know about you but maybe I could tell you my story.
I love my husband very much. I fell in love with him when I was 20 years old or was it 21? See, I don't even remember the year. But really does it matter? The fact remains that I love him. And I was so sure at that time, that marrying him would be my happily ever after. That there is, and there would be, nothing more that I would ever like to have in my entire life. And God knows I have never regretted my decision of marrying him ever. Given the chance, I would do it all over again.
But like every other couple, we have had a fair share of arguments and fights. It is weird coz I always claim to be this peace-loving person. All I've ever wanted was to be completely happy. And I thought that having him by my side forever would make me happy. Oh please, I beg of you, do not judge me. Please do not have the wrong impression that I am not happy with him. I am happy, but the life that I imagined was delusional. In fact the notion itself that someone can be completely happy is a lie. And I am not talking about happiness being relative coz I know, your "Happily Ever After" might be very different to mine.
Whenever I have a nasty fight with my husband on the most trivial of matters, I cry. I always cry. I cry not because we fought or I lost the argument; but because of that brief moment when I let my brain think that, "Is this the same person I fell in love with?". I cry because I feel guilty of doubting my love for the same person I have ever wanted. There is an upside to all of this though. After every fight, I love him more coz I know him more. And once I am pacified and start thinking with a clear mind, I realise that the momentary lapse of doubting my love was nothing but the by product of my anger. And that very moment is very crucial coz it can either break or make your life. It is very important not to forget the good times in the face of bad ones. It is easy to forget the good memories and remember just one bad memory. That single bad memory is enough to ruin your whole lifetime of good ones that could have happened only if you wouldn't have held to it so tightly. If a relationship is your priority then what I believe is that, respecting differences, accepting limitations and admiring flaws - these are the key aspects of letting love grow despite of all the bitterness in life.
So the question is, what do you do when you get your happily ever after moment. What do you do when that desire, to be 'a little more rich' or to 'be sexier' or to 'have a car which you cannot afford but your neighbour has' or to 'lose a little more weight' or to 'marry the love of your life', gets fulfilled? What do you do when you have got your dream job, dream house, dream car? Do you feel like you are done now? That now you are completely happy? That there is nothing more to achieve? That now, finally you can rest and relax and enjoy what you have?
Having a desire is not a bad thing. In fact, not having a new desire is counter-productive. But being happy, inspite of the desires getting fulfilled or not, is what we should focus on, I think. What do you say?
Love,
Ani.
Humans indeed are never satisfied or content with what they have and hence are the intellectual species of the planet. But this constant desire to achieve more or new often leads us to a situation where we are inclined to neglect the things that actually gives us the most happiness. So amidst the desire for greater things in life, being sure of how realistic and feasible our dreams are, can make life all the more simpler and one live "Happily Ever After".
ReplyDeleteWell said. Following your dreams is necessary but if done without any conditions, the journey itself can be very enriching.
DeleteHappily ever after is a myth. Be it the little issues, or the bigger ones, you are bound to face them all. After all, isn't that what living is all about?
ReplyDeletePerhaps what matters more is how you choose to define happiness. And how you choose to prioritize. For if we were to lose our peace of mind over every single thing, God gelp us.
It is okay to desire something more cause that is what motivates us to be better. It's okay to not be a 100% perfect. What matters is how much have you tried for things you believe in and whether you have been true to yourself.
After all, if at the end of the day you are able to look yourself in the mirror, I would say you are doing just fine.
I agree. It is the little moments of happiness that should matter.
Delete" Happily-ever-afters don't come in happily-every-days. They are found at the end of challenges-ever-met, promises-ever-kept, and tears-ever-wept. " - Anonymous
Hey ...
ReplyDeleteLet's analyse this a bit. "Happily ever after", my question is after what, what does the after signify here. We have a perception that the after here means after marriage or after getting a job or a car or a house.
If we go a little deep into this and replace it with the phrase "forever happy". Well will seem a little odd or out of place or even wrong.
Some people might say ohh you got it wrong it's after not forever.
Well not getting too much into it. Let's try replacing our vocabulary a little.
Honestly a very deep topic and very beautifully written.
Wow...never thought it that way... interesting thought... :)
Delete