What are you afraid of ?

Dear  Daisy,

How are you? I know, I've been a little distant for a while. Well, to be honest, my drifting thoughts drifted away a little too fast for me to jot down. And of course, a million other excuses. It's very difficult for me to put my derailed routine back into track. Here's a fresh attempt.

FEAR. Everyone has, at least once in their lifetimes, experienced this emotion. Being afraid is common and it's nothing to be ashamed of. At least I am not. I fear a lot of things. When I was little, I used to be scared of DARKNESS (I still am!). My Dad used to say that one is afraid of what one cannot see. It is the unknown that we fear. 

Let me make a list.

1. I am afraid of darkness. 
2. I am afraid of enclosed spaces. In fact anything and everything that makes me feel suffocated.
3. Sometimes I am afraid of rejection which, most probably, is the reason why I hesitate to approach a new person.
4. I am afraid of losing my loved ones.
5. I am afraid of being lonely. 
6. And, I admit it, I am afraid of DEATH.

"You are such a pain in the ass. I mean you hit people, you pull them down, you break their hearts and worst of all you shatter their dreams when they are most hopeful. You are so painful. While I, am peaceful. And yet people love you and fear me. Why?", asked Death to Life in a very resentful voice. This is how I always imagine the conversation of death and life would be. Fear of death is pointless. And yet the thought of never being able to see someone ever again is so painful. The absence of our loved ones is what we always fear.

A lot happened during the past month. We lost one of my maternal uncles. Secondly, level-5 hurricane 'Fani' hit my hometown, Odisha. Things like these often make me wonder about DEATH and the fear associated with it. I know, such a morbid topic to write on after a month. But it is inescapable and something that a lot of people are scared of. I am.

Death always finds a way. I constantly think about my parents and how we are heading towards the inevitable. I pray to God and ask him to give me enough strength when the moment arrives. I might not even be there with them while it happens and probably that's what makes it scarier - the uncertainty of it. What I fear most about it is the 'WHEN?'. Coz what if, I don't get to say goodbye. I don't want our last conversation, with any of my loved ones, to be a fight or disagreement on anything. Coz nothing is more important than them. I wouldn't say, not to argue with anyone ever, coz that's pretty impossible. So, its probably best to solve an argument immediately. You never know if you'd ever get a chance to fix things or not.

I'm not sure if admitting your fear of something increases the emotion. It feels like an endless loop - like it feeds itself. But as Remus Lupin said to Harry Potter that you are afraid of fear. It's probably the wisest thing. 

Though fear is a basic human instinct and is absolutely necessary for survival, we must learn to face it coz fear is nothing but a state of our mind which limits us in every possible way. So, what are you afraid of ? It's time to make a list of your fears and start facing them.

Love, Ani.